Where did my afternoon go?

I have been feeling the gravitational pull of my bed almost since I got out of it this morning. I’d find myself stopped still, staring into space. Or absentmindedly taking a seat in the middle of a short conversation, or propping up my head with my hand. I was still surprised to find myself waking from a deep sleep late this afternoon.  I only lay down to meditate for ten minutes and give my neck muscles a proper chance to relax.  Not only did I sleep unintentionally but I found it impossible to keep myself awake. Every time I realised I’d drifted off again I had to fight to get my eyes open. On the one hand I was so comfortable and warm and it’d be so easy just to let myself fall asleep again. On the other, I wasn’t supposed to be asleep!  At one point I hauled myself up to a seated position believing however drowsy I felt being upright would keep me awake – only to wake up once again under the covers an unknown amount of time later. 

I did manage to get upright and on my feet again eventually. But only because my partner came upstairs to investigate my disappearance. I feel a bit cheated. Not only did I miss a huge chunk of my afternoon but I don’t feel I’ve done anything to cause such intense fatigue.  Of course fatigue and my other symptoms don’t work in such a straightforward do-this-and-you’ll-feel-that kind of way. If they did then they’d easy to predict and easy to manage. They’re not.

On reflection, I can think of a few things that may have contributed. I had a day out with my friend yesterday which I really enjoyed. It was snowing as we came home and I got a little too cold and a bit overtired. I also had a migraine in the evening (and have had most days this week. I’ve not been using my timer recently so I’ve probably been on my feet more than I realise. And I’m exercising again. While I feel I’m going stupidly slowly, it might not be slow enough.

It could be any of those things or all of them (or none). So I’m reminding myself once again that I won’t find a pattern in one incident. I can just keep doing what I’m doing, taking as good care of myself as I can day to day and accept that sometimes there will be bad days for no good reason (that I can see). It might be the sensible approach but I’m still not happy about it.

5 thoughts on “Where did my afternoon go?

  1. Being autistic, I’ve had days where I’ve really enjoyed myself and then I crash the following day, unable to do much except stay in bed and watch something on YouTube. The best time to enjoy myself is Saturday, as if I crash on Sunday it doesn’t matter too much.

    1. That’s a really good point! I agree that it’s really good idea to plan in rest days like that. It’s something I probably should have thought about when I realised I had several things going on in one week.

  2. I have been feel low energy and fatigue lately, too. I think it is, for me, linked to this winter weather – the gloomy and grey days, the shorter days, and the cold! My house is terrible about keeping warm so we are lucky if we can keep it 60 degrees F! I read someone else’s comment on Habitica where they said that things are rough right now because it’s winter, but that just means that things are going to get easier soon! There will be sunny days to spend at the allotment and new hope comes with the Spring. I hope this doesn’t seem like I am trivializing what’s going on with you. I felt like trying to relate.

    1. I get tired faster in the cold weather. And aches and pains hurt more. I’m already enjoying the lengthening days and looking forward to Spring. I don’t think you’re trivialising my issues by trying to find common ground. I don’t believe we need to have had an identical experience to be able to empathise. Or that experiencing something less intensely than someone else should keep us from feeling we have something to offer. I really appreciate your comments and support.

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