My last post was about how I came across Tody and how it has helped me with doing the housework. There’s nothing wrong with what I wrote but afterwards I felt like a significant part of the story was missing – and that’s all the frustrations, false starts and difficult feelings that happened before I got to where I am now.
I find managing a chronic illness really tough. So much work goes on behind the scenes just to cope with day to day challenges. And these challenges are things that were just a regular part of everyday life before. Just the idea that so many previously straightforward tasks now require so much effort is something I’ve had to adjust to. Some of the difficult feelings I experience in situations like this are:
- Feeling guilty that I don’t pull my weight at home
- Feeling grief for the life I used to have
- Feeling sorry for myself
- Feeling frustrated with myself for not being able to do something
- Feeling frustrated for not learning to manage my energy effectively
- Feeling resentment that I have to put so much time, thought and energy into what ‘should’ be a simple task.
However, while facing up to this reality had been difficult emotionally, I am certain that it’s in my best interests in the long term. And then the solutions and adaptations rarely allow me to function as before. I will still be slower and need to allow recovery time. Sometimes I will feel down about these limitations. But on the whole, seeing the reality of my situation makes it possible to find adaptations that help and is far more helpful in the long run than punishing myself with ‘shoulds’ or overdoing it.
I’ve made a diagram showing (as well as I can remember!) some of the stages I went through before getting to where I am now. I hope it’s reassuring if you’re stuggling to fix something that your not alone in this. And that all the false starts and missteps lead somewhere in the end.